Decisions Decisions...

When I began the crazy process of finding the perfect placement I talked to everyone including professors, supervisors, friends, the Gardner alums and even family. Someone always knows someone who is working on the issue you want to get involved in. And there never is an exact perfect match, I think, because they are all awesome! eek!

In the end, I sent a crazy email to the UCB Gardner Administrator that read as follows:

Date Tue, Jun 29, 2010 at 9:28 PM

Questions to ask myself:
What do I want and how will this fellowship get me there?
How comfortable will I feel to ask my mentor to allow me to be in on unique experiences?
How will this placement challenge me?
What type of service do I like to do, how can this be informed by my placement choice?
Thought: I should not have to convince myself to choose the placement. Rather, it should be a comfortable door opening to the placement. There is no wrong placement as I will take every opportunity to learn from it. No worries :)

Criteria:
1. Access (to high level meetings, leaders in the field)
2. Mentor (open to my personal growth, able to cater to my interests, provide me with substantial work)
3. Ability to challenge me (expand my skills, allow me to learn about how government is creating change)
4. Office environment (other people, general gut feeling of the place)
5. Travel/Capstone experience (what will this be? how will it fit into my goals)
6. Fit in with future aspirations (still shady...)

First Choice: Corporation for National and Community Service
1. Access is guaranteed to the CEO, Board of Directors, and all high level staff members. I will be in on meetings and even work on their strategic plans. I will be allowed to work with my direct supervisor to create my job description that will allow me to move through three different areas of the work at the corporation.
2. My official mentor would be the CEO, with monthly lunches (give or take). My supervisor(s) will also be mentors (I met 4 of them) that lead different projects under the mission of CNCS. All have access to leaders in the field, and will no doubt give me the opportunities to be involved in their projects. _______ has worked with ______ before and I trust, as _______ has said, that _______ knows what a fellowship means and will make it a wonderful experience for me.
3. ***While I was worried before that this placement would not challenge me, I think I was being too cocky. This placement will expand my knowledge of how service is done from the larger perspective. I will be involved in policy, strategic planning, and the face of national service which is completely different than direct service. It will inform my understanding of service and will challenge me to look beyond that.
4. My supervisor introduced me to people all over the office when I arrived and it was a very comfortable setting for me. It was very busy, but people still took the time to look me in the eye, welcome me and give me a little synopsis about their work in the office (even right before their largest conference!). It felt right to be there.
5. While this is a national institution and not a global one, I will be happy with the trade off. My capstone experience (and not the only one by any means) would be working on and even running part of the National Conference which can be a huge addition to my portfolio. There might be other possibilities- national service days, meetings with even higher level officials (why not dream big and say that I could meet our first lady or president!). They are only once removed from the CEO :)
6. This was the toughest criteria. Let me be honest and say that my future aspirations have always been shady. I know I can do things, organize, create, serve, lead others, but HOW has been my biggest question. Through a nonprofit? Does it matter the issue area (like immigration)? Or will it be through creating policy? SO...I do think this opportunity allows me to continue to explore how...I will be in an institution with tons of issue areas (I am a generalist, after all), and I will be working on policy and larger goals that meet the mission of our administration.

I am excited about this placement :)

Second Choice: Millennium Challenge Corporation
1&2. Access is almost as good as above, but unclear. It was made clear to me, however, that I would not have the opportunity to sit in on a high level meeting since my mentor would be around top 12 in the institution and the CEO really only interacts with his boss (top 6 people). BUT, my mentor would have a lot of contacts in other institutions (Treasury, State, White House, etc.) and would probably be willing to make introductions. He is a wonderful person who understands what a fellowship means and he would create a work for me where he would review it with me throughout my time there (quarterly reviews like an employee).
3. This would be challenging on many levels. Content-wise I would be learning about many different countries and cultures and how governments are working with local nonprofits and communities to create sustainable solutions to poverty worldwide. Wow (mouthful). I would learn evaluative methods and practical skills through writing, excel, etc.
4. I only met my potential mentor, which was wonderful, but it seemed that other staff were in their offices- very busy. I am wondering how difficult it would be to work with them, or if there would be opportunities to work with them. I felt wonderful with my mentor, but I did not really get a feel for the office except that it was very professional.
5. Travel is probable. My mentor mentioned that two compacts (agreements) would be closing this year, the first two, and that I could be involved with that process. I might be able to visit these countries. This would probably be my capstone experience.
6. I am not completely clear as to how this fits in with my future aspirations, but it would be a wonderful way to see how government, through MCC works with other governments to create partnerships and change for the people of those countries.

I know I will learn a lot here, and be challenged a lot here, but I am not sure how this will play into my future goals.

Third Choice: Central American Affairs Office, Department of State
It is funny to me how, a week ago I was saying how awesome it would be to work here, and now it is at the bottom of my list. Why? Well, the biggest part of this was mentorship and access. After a long conversation with a former Gardner fellow, it was clear to me that he got lucky and had a wonderful experience, which can also happen for me. But, my mentor was very clear about how little he could afford to give me (time, resources, etc.) so I would in some ways be taking the reigns in my projects and asking for work. I am not sure that that is how I want to use my "golden ticket." I need/want a mentor, someone I can learn from, watch, and someone who will introduce me to other people. It was clear that I would become like another intern and I would have to fight my way to recognition and greater responsibility. While this is not something I haven't done before, I would rather not use my time that way for this fellowship. I think that at CNCS and MCC I will be given work promptly, and I will be able to make a difference right away. My personal fulfillment has always been based on how much I feel I am contributing and it is always the reason why I have gone above and beyond my duties. It is as if once I know I can give, I cannot stop giving. So, if I am fighting to find work and give, I will not be happy there or needed there. I also need to see results from my work and it is not clear to me that State will give me that. Even if I might be the "expert on immigration," it is unlikely that I will be able to affect immigration policy at State. I have to admit that it was very tempting as first, but that realizing how I can be happy with my work is more important that what I will write on my resume afterwards means so much more to me.

So, I hope this makes sense...it has taken me a while and is still taking me some time to reconcile the WONDERFUL opportunities the Gardner Fellowship has given me. No wrong choice, and I think I will be very happy no matter what :)